Intentions

Just had to vent and had no where else to turn...

So lately I've been befriending a girl from church named Jackie. She's 10. We all know what that age is like. She's super hyper and she's one of the biggest anime fangirls alive. Which is why she lached on to me. I've tried to be the nicest I could be while trying to point her opinions and whatnot in the right direction.

Today, however, that didn't happen.

I'm upset like I've lost a friend forever and that I may become her reason (as unjustly so as I believe it is) for avoiding primary and beginning to dislike anime. ALL BECAUSE I STOPPED HER AND ANOTHER GIRL FROM FIGHTING.

Let's get this straight. They hate each other. I guess the other girl's parents had had enough of Jackie's bossy, outrightness and decided a trip to her house and talking with Jackie's grandmother was the way to resolve things. This only made it worse because the girl came with her parents and ended up yelling at Jackie (who yelled right back) and in consequence of young age and misunderstanding and crude insults, they both got their feelings hurt and now they hate each other. The other girl is happy to ignore Jackie, pretend like they she doesn't exist. But Jackie is not content to let things go because she feels wronged. Jackie believes she is making the right choice by not beating the snot out of the other girl and wants an apology before she will forgive. Sadly, this is the case throughout our lives. There are many apologies we expect and want that we will never get. The other girl asked to go to the bathroom and soon after so did Jackie. I told Jackie to wait because I didn't want them fighting. She got insulted and said they wouldn't fight and stormed out so I said I'd go with her. There are four stalls and it was obvious the other girl was in one of them. Jackie couldn't resist but to say something along the lines of "Why did you think we would fight? I don't even want to talk to her, not until she apologizes." Me: "Well I know you two don't get along and in order to avoid the chance of trouble I figured I'd just come. And she doesn't have to apologize. Nobody ever has to apologize, whether they were wrong or not." This did not make Jackie happy AT ALL. Big surprise, right?

When primary was finally over, I stopped the other girl leaving and brought Jackie over. While I was starting to say "I love you both as does Heavenly Father, I'm not going to choose---" Jackie "I'm not talking to her. I'm just not so don't think you can make me." "You don't have to. In fact, I don't want you to. Just hear what I have to say." "Fine but I'm not talking to her. I don't even want to be near her." --as she storms off. This is only making the poor other girl more upset, and none of this was my intention.

Anyhow, heartfelt talk later, I'm hoping the other girl at least understands I had good intentions and love her very much and that this is a hard age no matter who you are. Jackie, however, has pronounced that she hates me and can't love me anymore. Yet before leaving gave me a huge sad hug. She said it was her fault for getting attached to me because anyone she gets attached to either stops talking to her or chooses to stop liking or being kind to her OR does something she doesn't like. I informed her that pretty much everyone in her life is going to do something she doesn't like at some point or another. Nonetheless, I knew no matter what I said she'd be mad at me. Which I understand and really there's no changing her mind.

Ultimately, she's told me that she isn't going to Anime Expo now because she doesn't want to see me. Which is the most childish thing about all of this. She's still gonna see me at church on sunday. The convention is HUGE and if we go our separate ways we aren't likely to run into each other. We'll just have to sleep in the same room, but so what? And I believe she's already got her ticket, which is non-refundable. Congratulations for proving you're age and finding the best way to make yourself miserable. I refuse to feel guilty about her decision because it is not my fault that she's decided not to go, much as she'll blame me. And I also refuse to give up going just so she can go and not see me. It's her manipulative way of trying to get me to apologize and take her side. I did say I was sorry she felt I've done something wrong and I was sorry she didn't like it but I stuck with my guns and said I felt I'd done the right thing and I don't regret it. Also said I wouldn't give up going to AX and that she shouldn't either. That I'm likely to miss a chunk of it anyway due to work and we could easily avoid seeing each other if that was her wish. Still. No go.

Let's not add into this bit of work that my own mother wants the kid to stop existing simply because she's taken an extreme liking to me and calls quite a lot and wants to hang out a lot. Why this vexes my mother is perfectly understandable, I hate that she is putting all of her frustrations and negative energy towards Jackie, who has had many many trials already in her short 10 years and just plain does not have many good, strong, constant examples in her life. BUT I get it. I am doing my best not to be another one of those people who befriends Jackie only to push her away or walk out of her life. That being said, I don't want her latched on to my every free minute. Just GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR so frustrated and don't know what to do. :(

____________________________________________________________________________________

...and here it is, about 5.5 hours after church and she's call around 4:30. I tried my very best to explain things to her. To get her to understand. But when she finally towards the end of our conversation said "I just called to say I'm sorry." I said "well, I'm sorry too." She replied "Oh you're sorry you got in the middle? Okay." I WAS TORCHED. DO NOT TWIST MY WORDS. I repeated over and over again I was sorry I did something she didn't like or that she thought was wrong however I still feel it was right and I do not regret or feel sorry I did it. I told her it was best we not speak about it anymore and that I would talk to her next sunday. We said goodbye.

And not 30 minutes later she inevitably calls back. Well, I have thus informed my family members they can choose not to answer or they can politely tell her I am not interested nor available to talk. And that is just how it is going to be, whether it hurts her feelings or not. I can't deal with this. I have enough problems of my own and adding this too them is not doing my stress levels any good. Hopefully, this ultimately bodes no ill for myself or any body involved, but at this point it isn't looking so hopeful.

____________________________________________________________________________________

So of all the story I've told above, my real rant is over her twisting my words and her stupid and childish decision to hate me (or constantly change her mind to hate me or not) because I've done something she doesn't like and to punish herself in attempt to make me feel guily/responsible and bow to her whims. Sorry, but no. I'm almost 24 years old. I'm 13 years older than her. And sorry, but no. I will not play this game.

So much for good intentions.

P.S. maybe it is time to give up my calling at church?