That's A Fire Hazard

You know, this can be a nice place to rant and not step on people's toes more than I already am or may be. So here goes. My unorganized mess.

Regarding AX '12, I AM SO FRUSTRATED! There's all the drama from Jackie, the 10-yr old blessing/nightmare, and now the two of the guys in our group are making drama (again). It was bad enough last year with the arguments over hotel keys, NOW it's about the room being too crowded. For god's sake, it's just a place to sleep, really. If your claustrophobic or have issues with the whole thing, don't plan on staying with a group who wants a lot of people to stay with them in order to cut costs. Geez. If it's a matter of the "veterans"/"old school" group feeling like em and I are butting in on them by inviting other people, we can get our own room. Thus far, we'd have four people in there--that isn't bad. And it's possible to find more people we know and feel comfortable to stay with and therefore split the cost. I have no problem doing so, in fact, and with all this ridiculousness, I'm totally tempted to despite having already paid my portion of the hotel stay (which I would immediately get back). Seriously, Richie and Steve, yes I'm calling you guys out. Look, we had differences of opinions last year and it worked out well enough, right? Despite the drama with Hec and Julia and having 10 people in the room, we had fun, right? The two of you are the only ones having the problem and it isn't fair for you to both get pissed off like that when 1: the con is 6.5 months away and 2: we are all over 20 years old! ACT LIKE IT! grrrrrrr. Voice opinions, discuss reasonably. Don't accuse. askldjfklsjd I'm just so damn frustrated.

On a lighter note, dad made a little more progress on the bathroom. I mean, the tub is gone now. It's gonna be bloody cold in the morning since part of that back wall is gone now too, but it's progress.

We (meaning parents, bug, and myself, but not matt cuz of disinterest in everything in general) went to a meeting for iDreamPlayhouse, a working-to-become-nonprofit community theatre that's going to be putting on a production of A Christmas Carol this december. It's been an aspiration for Mr. Lew for quite a while so I'm glad it's looking to pull through more. He wants me to head up production staff or management or something, basically handling tickets, and i inferred that includes advertising. I'm a little bummed cuz I want to act, but at the same time I really couldn't put that kind of committment into it right now. I'm stressed out enough as it is. We'll see how this all comes together... i'm glad i'm not doing Christmas Choir though. That was beginning to make me constantly unhappy but not joining last year was nice too. They always sing the same dang stuff anyhow. :/

And backtracking before all this, I had a talk with Jad on the phone like last thursday. It was very nice. I meant to only wish him a Happy 3 yr Anniversary for him and Bree, but it turned into, as was not surprising, a thearpy session for me. I feel kinda guilty but he claims that being able to help his friends makes him happy so I guess I shouldn't feel so guilty. I love that he really gets me though. So few people do. I also love that he isn't afraid to "throw shit back at me" as he says. In other words, he'll tell me like it is, even if that is bluntly telling me when something is up to me or my fault. He's right, most of the time. Of course, no one knows me better than Heavenly Father, and I should think that I know myself second-best. Jad though, he's probably third right now and REALLY good at clarifying or putting things in a way I can sort it out better. He's like my Jiminy Cricket.

So, I forgot how it got into the conversation exactly, but a huge metaphor with a great lack of details LOL that jad started is that I'm apparently living inside a box. My safe box. In safe town, which sometimes is called by the nickname sad town. It's an okay place to be, but really, there's a lot more world to see outside the box and a lot more chance to making it to happy town. In fact, if I don't leave the box, the chances of getting to happy town are nearly zero cuz the only other way is to be swept off my feet and carried there by Prince Charming but there's .0-something chance he'll ever travel through safe town and therefore .0-something chance that he'll find me. I have step outside the box. I don't like it. It's scary. And difficult. But I could make it to happy town that way and possibly find the Awesome Tree and enjoy Awesome fruit for the rest of my life. Yep. But for as much as Jad helps and makes me feel better and I know that it's gonna take a lot more effort on my part to take steps to a brighter, more interesting and happy future, I'm still stuck with this deep lonliness.

Today at church went rather well. I've been increasingly less motivated to do my calling though. It was nice for things to go my way for a change. Even if I planned it super last minute, as per usual. We learned The Chapel Doors. Which is a song I personally don't remember from primary at all. It was just easy today. Not frantic. And while it may have been a bit boring, I didn't feel judged or like I wasn't meeting their expectations...... now for next week. *sigh*


~~Oh and in regards to the title, Em and I were watching Kung Fu Panda one night recently and they were at the part where the goose messenger and the main guard are talking about how Tai Lung could never escape. The guard says something like "One way in, one way out. One prisoner to one thousand guards." and I IMMEDIATELY said "That's a fire hazard." all dead serious like. Em and I were BUSTING up for the rest of the movie. And it's my new catchphrase. /insidejokestory.